14 Comments
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Dusty Hope's avatar

hitting the bot till. I find the only thing to do then. is be more. naysayers at the watch spring. was told that to be good you have to be ridiculous. let the fool got to school and be a mule. a tool a vision a mop. had I jobs using a mop. sure.... two. never could entirely quit gig circuit. still working other gigs..... two many personalities, STOP.

Jason Howell Hamilton's avatar

Yeah. I guess what choice do we have huh.

Dusty Hope's avatar

From Cioran: When I write, as soon as I stop attacking and cursing, I am bored, and abandon the pen.

Sometimes I wonder if, outside of my frenzies, I truly exist. If they cease, I vegetate and drag myself around like a rag.

I found a lot of truth in that.... I

Jason Howell Hamilton's avatar

Resonance and the absence thereof

Dusty Hope's avatar

yeah. Cioran sometimes makes me laugh. tho most people wouldnt think he is being humorous.I know he is... somehow. he plays up against that line. So do you.

Jason Howell Hamilton's avatar

Oh I know what you mean.

And that's kind; thank you. You know it's mutual

Jenny Poyer Ackerman's avatar

I love your prose, but I felt unsettled reading this, thinking you were announcing you're quitting stand-up. But then the show dates announced for the next month. I hate to be the one asking the magician to explain the trick, but....if you wouldn't mind?

Jason Howell Hamilton's avatar

Hi Jenny. I think the stuff I'm making these days is made in the exploration of the question Can I become the kind of person that doesn't need to make things for people I don't know. I doubt it's possible to change one's personality that fundamentally, but I'm not 100 and would like to confirm. What do you think?

Jenny Poyer Ackerman's avatar

I hadn't thought of it in those terms, but I guess I'm the same kind of person. I don't think I'm trying to draw strangers into my orbit as much as I'm seeking to be understood, or just to play to my strengths. This feels like a confession but also clarifies my answer to your question: no, it's not possible, and forcing it will only bum you out, because what's the gratifiable need that's waiting in the wings to replace this one, once jettisoned?

Jason Howell Hamilton's avatar

The fantasy would be to pivot that time, energy, and attention to the people in my life with whom I have the closest relationships--i.e., to make my world smaller. But that could be like a house painter quitting in order to spend more time at home and ending up painting and repainting the coffee table, drapes and children and his wife having to breath the fumes. ... Do you think you'd be worse company for your loved ones if you didn't make stuff for public consumption?

Jenny Poyer Ackerman's avatar

I think they’d resent being painted over about as much as I’d resent having nothing better to do than paint over them. And thanks for the softball set-up — I think it served your purpose neatly! 🤔 I’ll bring some of my not yet painted-over family members to your Concord show on the 15th if you’re still in the game by then. 🤞😎

Jason Howell Hamilton's avatar

That's well put.

Bring em out. Concord's a free show in an unpretentious room. Should be fun.

Francesca Bell's avatar

Damn. This one. All of it and that ending. Amen.